Wandering about in space and time.
While the rest of our fellow campers fished out turkeys from their freezers and made full roast lunches with all the trimmings, we went bijou.
With no oven and no room for a mountain of gifts, we came up with a plan:
KEEP IT SIMPLE.
It turns out that simple is good, unlike this movie, which is bad; sorry about that!
We’ve never been away from our home for six months, six weeks; yes.
Six weeks away in the summer? How hard can it be? That depends on the sort of person you are. Are you the walk out of your home and lock the door as you leave sort of person? The fussy, strip the beds and empty the fridge type, or the very very fussy, clean your home from top to bottom, tidy the garden to within an inch of its life, and appoint someone to house-sit fanatic. We fall lazily into the shut the door and go group. But we’re not going for six weeks, we’re going for 6 months, in the winter. We need to up our game.
It’s not simply winter that draws on, it’s the winter of our lives that’s closing in fast, and we want to run from both, as fast as our decrepit old legs will carry us.
The truth is, that, because we’re grown ups, we can’t leggit without a look back, and can’t bust a move without a lot of preparation, and/or help. We know that during the winter the plumbing freezes and power fails, and not just the house. Stuff had to be done before the great escape so we made a list and began ticking off the days and jobs as months passed. Things were completed, added, or removed as time passed.
None of it is simple, you see we have no kitchen, not even a building to fit kitchen units and white goods in to. We live in a one up one down house, the kitchen has to be tacked onto the outside of our little box we call home. What happened to the kitchen extension we had? Oh, p-lease don’t ask. I will say that the sofa went to the tip and the cooker and fridge are now in the living room, the only room on the ground floor. There was a lot for us to do and a lot of tea to drink, before we left the UK for winter in our little red T4 VW camper van.
We made a 4 minute, in depth, movie of how we prepared to leave our home empty for 6 months. We hope it inspires you to follow us to the sun. If you’re of a delicate disposition, you may want to look away NOW!
Enjoy.
Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not one single fight
The stockings were hung by the campers with care
In the hopes that St Nicholas soon would be there
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The campers were nestled in snug sleeping bags
While visions of sugar plums were dancing in cags
And mum in her T4 and I in my bus
Had just settled our brains for a long winters ZZZZZ
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
When out in the campsite there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my bunk to see what was the matter
Away to the window I flew like a Hind
Tore open the curtains and threw up the blind
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The moon on the breast of the new fallen reveller
Gave the lustre of mid-day to she who’d fell over
When what to my wondering eyes should appear
But a miniature whiskey – no glass, “Oh dear!”
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
In a face like chopped liver, her eyes lively and quick
Stared in amazement, “It must be St Nick”
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
“Now Dasher! Now Dancer! Now Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! On Cupid! On, on Donner and Blitzen!
To the top of that T4! To the top of it’s roof
Now dash away! Dash away! Give it some hoof!”
(Google it if you fancy reading the original version)
with apologies to anon
Spanish Fly
Now normally when it comes to creatures of nature, our philosophy is ‘live and let live’. We have a rigid no kill policy. Wasps are free to bother our picnics, slugs and snails though not welcome in the garden are never killed and the woodlice that frequent our living room are treated like small pets.
Mrs Wally ‘Don’t flush them down the loo!
‘Wally ‘But they’re essentially aquatic creatures like shrimps.’
Apparently not.
Our house has been visited by several species of birds, the occasional fox we even had a bat crawl into our living room on all fours. Each in turn was released unmolested. But let’s face it we all have our limits, lines must be drawn, everyone must know where they stand.
When an animal attempts to consume you, in your own bed, while you are asleep, that is pushing the bounds of acceptable behaviour. No-one wants to wake up to a scene from ‘Mr and Mrs Elephant Man’, blotchy and swollen bodies are not aesthetically pleasing.
Counter measures were deployed to little effect until patience was stretched beyond limits, death was the ultimate solution and I wasn’t prepared to die!
After several weeks of bloody attrition we’ve formed an amicable agreement with our tormenters, we offer them a small amount of our blood and in return they don’t give a ****. Let’s face it you can’t bargain with an anarchist.
The Bottom Line about overland Travel To Spain
We gave up trying to write about the complexity of our road trip south. There is so much to say, none of it that gripping, that we had to work hard to distill our four nights of travelling into a sparkling bijou piece. How did we do it? We made a short and, though we say it ourselves, sophisticated, cartoon movie.
Travel with us in our little red T4 VW Camper Van, as we make our way from England’s bottom, to a campsite in Spain’s bottom. No expense has been spent on this artful project.
Please feel free to comment on the storyline, high production values and our astonishing technical excellence in lighting and sound.
Prepare to be AMAZED!
The Wandering Wallys 